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Warri Gay Man, David Ukre’s Husband Opens Up on Their Wedding

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Nigerian man David Ukre became talk of town when himself and his partner Eric T. Shoen took their love life to another level by getting married in New York July 30th.

Much hasn’t been heared from them since that time.

The husband has since opened up to Huffington Post on their wedding. What he revealed below:

We tried very carefully to make sure this wouldn’t happen. Guests were instructed not to take photos during the ceremony. We were very particular about who was invited. It was a sad added bonus that most of the guests from Nigeria cancelled just 24 hours before the ceremony.

On July 30, I married a Nigerian man. Although he is very special to me, he is not famous. He has never done anything to warrant so much media coverage. We had a small ceremony under the leaves of some great old trees on the lawn of an adorable little restaurant. My family and our closest friends joined us. Our vow exchange was only 30 minutes long.

What followed was a day of love, laughter, joy, eating, sore feet, kids running circles around the yard, and family and friends celebrating our day together. We posted only a few photos to our Facebook pages and asked guests to not post photos or mention our marriage.

That night, we went out dancing to a club with friends who stayed over. The next morning, we decided to take some friends with us on the first day of our honeymoon to see Niagara Falls. We were still enjoying every moment of calling each other husband, taking photos kissing in front of the falls, getting sprayed at the Cave of the Winds, and accepting well wishing texts from family and friends.

Monday morning, I woke up early to return the rental car that we had used for the weekend. When I returned, my husband was pacing and crying, distraught, pointing to his phone. Somehow, someone had either sold or given photos from our wedding and first dance to one of Nigeria’s notorious gossip bloggers, Linda Ikeji who chose to publish them on her blog. Whether to out David and make a mockery or to somehow use it as advocacy, no one knows. What we do know is that she had no permission from either of us to use our photos or story.

My husband calls me “the fixer” for a reason. I felt like I might be able to fix this before it got out of control. I called my sister who is an attorney for advice. Given that the information was posted on an international site, there was little we could do. My friends at Google and Blog-spot, and attorneys who are friends of mine gave me the same unfortunate news. Mind you, this is all happening at 6:30 a.m. on a Monday morning. Friends from all over the USA messaged me as soon as I posted on my Facebook for some assistance.

I did contact the blogger directly via email and asked that the photos of our wedding, of our trip with my family, photos of our groomsmen, and direct quotes from my Facebook page be removed. I quickly locked down the security on my Facebook which had been relatively open so that I could use it for advertising and sales. I never heard back from her.

At 7:00 a.m. I got a call from my twin brother, who is my best friend:
J: “Eric, which blog are you talking about?”
Me: “There should only be one”
J: “It’s already on at least a dozen blogs.”

I had to tell David at this point that there was little I could do. At the same time, his phone and my phone started to heat up with Facebook messages from strangers condemning us for being gay. His phone started to ring continuously from unknown Nigerian phone numbers.

I felt lost. I still get a terrible feeling in my stomach just a week and a half later. I hate being helpless. How could our tiny, personal wedding in Rochester mean so much to hateful people on the other side of the planet that they would find us on the internet so they could harass us?

I worked as fast as I could asking bloggers to remove our photos and mention of us, but only one complied. By the end of the day, more than 150 sites had blogged about us. They were not saying anything overtly mean for the most part. The comments, on the other hand, mostly mentioned the “end of times,” beheading us if we came to Nigeria, asking God to rain down evil upon us, suggesting that we get anal cancer and die, calling us devils, and threatening us in various other vulgar ways. Some people commented positively, but they were in the minority.

David’s groomsmen were also accused of being gay. One of them felt compelled to come out via social media after the pressure.

David’s family was harassed by neighbors and local hooligans. He hadn’t told his family we were getting married. They were not even aware he was gay. David’s sister called to make sure we knew that she knew and she supported us. She relayed that his mom was not admitting anything and continued to defend David to anyone who bothered her. His other siblings also messaged us to say that they were being harassed via telephone, in person, and social media.

You might ask yourself why I would share this story.

You see, I fell in love with an amazing Nigerian man. I knew it was illegal for him to be gay in his country. I knew it was illegal for his family to know he was gay and not report him. I never thought that my tiny little wedding in

Rochester, New York to this man would go any further than between our close friends who were invited and maybe some of their friends.

David was afraid to come out of the closet to his family for so many reasons, some of which I recognize in my own coming out story. Telling my parents was very frightening, painful and tough, but they support me now. I grew up here, where letting someone know you are gay was tough, not illegal. Some of David’s reasoning can only be understood by someone who grew up in Nigeria or a similar country where it is illegal to be gay.

Why would this be such big news in Nigeria? I believe it is because the press still wants to vilify gay men and women. They want to show that the USA is a place that corrupts the morals of children and is a den of sin an iniquity. The current political election probably isn’t helping change that impression much. The mere thought of two men getting married is enough to incite vitriol from all corners of Nigeria, and other parts of the world still today.

We queer folk still have a lot of fighting to do. We may have thankfully won marriage equality here on American soil, but until it is legally safe for our gay, queer, trans, and gender non-conforming brothers, sisters, and family to live their lives as they wish to be in all corners of the world, the fight must go on.

Photo Credit: Luke Reynolds Photography / Huffington Post

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comments

642 thoughts on “Warri Gay Man, David Ukre’s Husband Opens Up on Their Wedding”

  2. now watch how the sexually confused and mentally deranged ones quote “he who is without sin should cast the first stone” what is wrong is wrong. anybody who says otherwise is just stupid

  3. now watch how the sexually confused and mentally deranged ones quote “he who is without sin should cast the first stone” what is wrong is wrong. anybody who says otherwise is just stupid

  4. Pweety Oge Love you see your life outside? What you just said is probably a reflection of what you probably do. Yet you will be attacking gay people as sinners as if you too don’t sin. Nonsense and ingredients. Hypocrites of life U0001f602U0001f602U0001f602U0001f629

  5. Pweety Oge Love you see your life outside? What you just said is probably a reflection of what you probably do. Yet you will be attacking gay people as sinners as if you too don’t sin. Nonsense and ingredients. Hypocrites of life U0001f602U0001f602U0001f602U0001f629

  7. The word of God is true and nothing will change it,gay is an abormination…aru

  8. @hanna hof.yeah you are right,i should have know that things like yourself can’t come from america but from the deepest part of sahara!..thanks for the correction kisses.

  9. Hanna hof am a Nigerian, am the one to decide that and am telling you for sure that Nigeria is one of the best country

  10. Hanna hof am a Nigerian, am the one to decide that and am telling you for sure that Nigeria is one of the best country

  14. Pete Lekunze, we all need God forgiveness. Have you never sinned, are you a virgin, how girls have you sexed and you knew you had no intention to married?
    Did you know that you sinned by sleeping with another man’s wife knowing you wasn’t going to settle down? Have you had premarital sex, ok all of us need forgiveness and please do pray for my own forgiveness. I have no shame to say I have sinned for us human are not perfect.. Thank and keep on praying so the next time you unzipped your pants And she’s not yet your wife, pray for forgiveness, God loves to forgive.

  15. Pete Lekunze, we all need God forgiveness. Have you never sinned, are you a virgin, how girls have you sexed and you knew you had no intention to married?
    Did you know that you sinned by sleeping with another man’s wife knowing you wasn’t going to settle down? Have you had premarital sex, ok all of us need forgiveness and please do pray for my own forgiveness. I have no shame to say I have sinned for us human are not perfect.. Thank and keep on praying so the next time you unzipped your pants And she’s not yet your wife, pray for forgiveness, God loves to forgive.

  16. Germs oh sorry james.why do you keep barking like a dog? Does the truth hurt darling?

  19. I don’t judge people it’s their lives,and we are all sinners either they are gay or not don’t care cuz even we judging are not innocent

  20. Pweety Oge Love definitely, making the best of it even while spreading love and hope around me. I keep believing we as humans can do better than this, so I ain’t fazed by your dissing. Dig harder and I m sure you’ll come up with something plausible U0001f44cU0001f3fe

  21. Ibiada West as long as they are not disturbing or doing it with you or your family members, they owe you no apology.

  23. Sahara U0001f602U0001f602U0001f602 somebody please help this child for some basic education or something U0001f602U0001f602

  25. These people are less than animal because you will never see some male animal relate as husband and wife i

  27. Ohanusi Nkiruka you right God created Adam and Eve but they did look like a man and woman right? Who are you to say when you see a snake can you tell its a male or female? Yes God created people and humans and Gaynor not they were created by godt. If we have quesuoms, questions Hod for He created men with his own image. Yes, we all sleeping in glass houses, so we all need to beware of small or big stones.

  31. And finally the barking ends…thanks for your time girlfriends,i was really bord untill i saw this post,thanks for making my day!! Hugs…

  32. Just because some people pretend that gay ok in America doesn’t mean everyone is ok with it.. And FIY.. America is not the world!!!

  33. don’t know what to say…
    Religion doesn’t support it and it is illegal in this part of country which is probably why it wasn’t done here.
    Imagine the trauma they may be going through currently and all the social media war or the guys family in Nigeria

  38. Romans 1:28 KJV
    And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;

  39. I am still not an American U0001f602U0001f602U0001f602
    I dont even live there U0001f61b

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  45. Honestly I don’t get it why you people are just being so judgemental about everything
    She trying to make a point
    Gay man or no gay man
    This country suck’s
    Pure hell

  47. Olusegun Stephen Abidoye ain’t your forefathers idol whoshippers why don’t go and judge them first

  48. If he is Nigerian I don’t surprise I know na money everything they even sell their dignity with deal hahah so guys don’t surprise this issue

  49. Pweety Oge Love Mais de rien! Glad we managed to uplift your “bored” spirits. Hugs right back at you girlfriendU0001f44cU0001f3fe
    Over and out

  54. There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. [2] For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death. [3] For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh

  57. @ Nelson D Angel, my fore fathers taught me better than that… Thanks.

  58. My warri people make una talk ooooo. This kind thing good. Chai there is God oooooo

  60. Chekwube please forgive me. I respect your opinion but cannot put it above what my religion tells me. My belief is based on not only knowledge but faith. As regards your classifying it as a medical problem. Then why should we condemn people who are sick. Even the law’s of Man do not do that. I don’t want to make anything seem okay. But I don’t believe we have a right to judge. Our knowledge is limited. Quite honestly in a world where there is so much … People who are so focused on sexual issue have issues with their own sexuality.

  61. Soooo sad.. hateful horrible people in this world.. just remember Every one has their own lifes they can do as thy wish despite colour!!
    Wishing this couple every bit off happeniness

  63. You have to understand that not everybody believes in your God. Just because you see him as almighty and right in everything does not mean that the next Jim sitting beside you also believes so.

  64. Why give this post a platform-I thought your platforn is about promoting African values

  68. Don’t you find this thing a lil strange anymore? Well, it might mean nothing to you guys but it sure means something

  69. Well.. its not for me to decide. I have my own life. Just like you have yours.
    Its my life. I live to make the most of it. My way. I dont live my life to please other people. Life is way to short for that.
    Dont you think?

  70. I dey find who go say WARRI NO DEY CARRY LAST AGAIN, make i send am E-slap

  71. the thunder wey go fire the two of you na with boko haram and Niger Delta Avengers style

  73. No one is acting like God. We already know God’s opinion toward homosexuality, because it’s in black and white.

  74. And believe watching how stupid nd dumb u r they must be rolling in their graves for shame.. Heal yourself before pointing fingers on others.. Mongoloide del cazzo che non sei altro..

  77. Dude are you ok? U0001f602U0001f602U0001f602U0001f602U0001f602U0001f602U0001f602

  78. In this Buhari period, warri no dey carry last. But thats terrible… May tunder fire any man that will look at my strong ass and say “baby you look sexy”

  83. Attention! I dont speak so conclusive but in all i realy wanna learn not just by alphabetical illustration here is the earth human is above sillys so it take nothing for them to prove self_alright am pround that every every know God and any other stuff but my question is”after life comes what? Any stuff we do for money end here in life were money exist if you care letting me know more on something add up let chat privately #i_dont_hate_nor_judge

  84. Gay marriage is bad. Stop all dis stories. No one is judging here. Turned away from anything evil.

  87. Florence Ataudo take time and judge yourself first…. having sex before marriage is bad and I sure you aren’t a Virgin before you got married or if you still single….. my opinion is that all sins are equal in the eyes of God so leave them alone let God judge us all….. you don’t even know if HELL is into existence do you? Then prove it

  91. Chidi Markk thank you for taking sense to these hypocritical emergency pastors. They have no atom of common sense in the.

  93. All of you saying they shall be put to death, well in the bible, Jesus also said he who is without sin should cast the first stone. Are any of you here without sin? All of you are sounding a lot like the Pharisees Jesus constantly condemned throughout the bible. Rather than prayer and counsel like a Christian should you’re all screaming death. Our very own politicians from the north who are disgusting vile pedophiles marrying children, you all will scream and hail them when they pass your village town. This hypocrisy and foolishness must end. Don’t let me start with those of you here who are fornicators or child molestors or even worse adulterers. The bible said those who commit adultery are a piece of bread.

  94. This is not new.. all in the name of American papers this fine yummy boy decided to marry a man. U no see woman marry??..

  99. Nelson or who? I did nt mention your name here. I made a comment n if u want to do same den do same. N besides ur really putting dis on urself.Are u one of few?

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